well, i just feel plain skitzo this week. there:s this overwhelming sense of foreboding that fills me at random moments throughout the day. like waiting for a new drug to kick i feel anxious and nervous and i just can:t relax. i don:t know what this is. and i don:t even feel like trying to figure it out. i just wanna feel normal again. i just wanna do all the things i could do back home. i had a dream last night that i flew home for the day to pick up all the things i wish i had brought with me (namely my miniskirt and my Vans) and i was just esctatic at how easy things were! i picked up a box of cereal and i could read it all in english. then we went to a store and i could ask how to find something in english without the use of mad gestures and broken english...
hey maybe i:m just getting depressed. it:s the winter, and that would be nothing new. i just feel... i just feel like.... fuck i don:t know. i feel like i:m still, over three months later, stuck in vacation mode, where nothing is real and i can indulge and do whatever i feel like and nothing counts cuz i:m on vacation. but i:m NOT. i:m NOT in vacation and it:s NOT ok to sleep like 10 hours a day and i:m sick of arguing with myself in the morning about if i should go for a run, evven though i:m painfully aaware that running would decrease my bitching time about life by approx 77.6 per cent. but the sloth version of me wins every time. gad, these sins are harder to kick than i thought!
oh, i guess i have some news (read that in an Eeyore voice). i was biking home last night in this bitch ass freezing wind and cold (maybe it:s only super cold cuz i:m wearing a summer blouse and a winter coat) when i see a lil sk8bding posse approaching... awwwwwwwe ya, it was Junya an his crew. so he looks at me with this big smile and i:m l,ike (equally smiling as big) hello!! and then we pass by each other and i turn around after to get one more look at that delicious specimen only to discover that HE has turned around to look at ME! oooohh, it:s SO meant to be! ha ha ha! so we just kinda locked eyes n smiled... and the world stopped and went in slow motion for about 3 seconds until i had to turn back around lest i bike right into a pole. so that was my flitting moment of happiness in my otherwise frustrating day. it all started with the let:s go starter class... ususually my fav class but yesterday i was getting frustrated cuz it:s THESE ARE MY EYES not THis is my eyes. i dont: even know where they got that from cuz i taught :these are: right from the beginning... but then out in the lobby they got it right in front of theier parents so maybe they were just intentionally driving me nuts. i had a couple more classes that went well... oh i forgot to tell you a cute Kazuma story. so on our computer class on wednesday i:m like *how are you_* n he:s like *i:m happy?* so i:s like oh how come? are you happy cuz you get to see me today?? n hes: like YUP! n THEN omg i was SO proud of him. in teh middle of the course he turns to me and goes
Danielle, tissue please.
NO NOSE PICKING! no even ATTEMPTED nose picking!
i was like you got it lil buddy! i:m so proud of you for no nose picking!!!
n then after he tried to give me his snotty kleenexes but i did the whole neurotic picking-up-a-tissue-with-a-tissue thing. i loove this common misperception that sensei:s hands are a garbage can.
ahh, ok i feel a lil better now.. until i walk outside and turn skitzo again. i don:t know.. ijust don:t feel grounded at ALL these days...i keep feeling like i:m missing something really big and obvious in my life, or that i:m going to die any second...
hey maybe i:m just getting depressed. it:s the winter, and that would be nothing new. i just feel... i just feel like.... fuck i don:t know. i feel like i:m still, over three months later, stuck in vacation mode, where nothing is real and i can indulge and do whatever i feel like and nothing counts cuz i:m on vacation. but i:m NOT. i:m NOT in vacation and it:s NOT ok to sleep like 10 hours a day and i:m sick of arguing with myself in the morning about if i should go for a run, evven though i:m painfully aaware that running would decrease my bitching time about life by approx 77.6 per cent. but the sloth version of me wins every time. gad, these sins are harder to kick than i thought!
oh, i guess i have some news (read that in an Eeyore voice). i was biking home last night in this bitch ass freezing wind and cold (maybe it:s only super cold cuz i:m wearing a summer blouse and a winter coat) when i see a lil sk8bding posse approaching... awwwwwwwe ya, it was Junya an his crew. so he looks at me with this big smile and i:m l,ike (equally smiling as big) hello!! and then we pass by each other and i turn around after to get one more look at that delicious specimen only to discover that HE has turned around to look at ME! oooohh, it:s SO meant to be! ha ha ha! so we just kinda locked eyes n smiled... and the world stopped and went in slow motion for about 3 seconds until i had to turn back around lest i bike right into a pole. so that was my flitting moment of happiness in my otherwise frustrating day. it all started with the let:s go starter class... ususually my fav class but yesterday i was getting frustrated cuz it:s THESE ARE MY EYES not THis is my eyes. i dont: even know where they got that from cuz i taught :these are: right from the beginning... but then out in the lobby they got it right in front of theier parents so maybe they were just intentionally driving me nuts. i had a couple more classes that went well... oh i forgot to tell you a cute Kazuma story. so on our computer class on wednesday i:m like *how are you_* n he:s like *i:m happy?* so i:s like oh how come? are you happy cuz you get to see me today?? n hes: like YUP! n THEN omg i was SO proud of him. in teh middle of the course he turns to me and goes
Danielle, tissue please.
NO NOSE PICKING! no even ATTEMPTED nose picking!
i was like you got it lil buddy! i:m so proud of you for no nose picking!!!
n then after he tried to give me his snotty kleenexes but i did the whole neurotic picking-up-a-tissue-with-a-tissue thing. i loove this common misperception that sensei:s hands are a garbage can.
ahh, ok i feel a lil better now.. until i walk outside and turn skitzo again. i don:t know.. ijust don:t feel grounded at ALL these days...i keep feeling like i:m missing something really big and obvious in my life, or that i:m going to die any second...
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