*PUSHING LITTLE CHILDREN WITH THEIR FULLY AUTOMATICS, THEY LIKE TO PUSH THE WEAK AROUND.*
i waited for it. i anticipated it. i tried to prepare for it before i left. i knew it was going to come sooner or later. a week ago i thought it would never happen. impossible! but it did.
WA BAM!
The Low Point.
i:m infected with rage. i:m brewing with frustration. suddenly Japan isn:t so fun and cute anymore. i:m sick of the stares, i:m sick of the talking about me in front of my face, i:m sick of not being able to tell people what i need. i:m frustrated that it takes me 20 minutes to sit there with my dictionary to figure out that i:m eating Fruit Granola. i:m frustrated that i have to individually unwrap every single cookie in my package before i eat it. how am i supposed to find comfort in food when it takes me five frigging minutes to open a cookie??? ahh, i have turned from food to reading the intriguing and stimulating works for Carl Sagan. my brain is so excited to read more of The Dragons of Eden tonite. i miss intellectual conversations. i miss all those late night chats i would have with my mouffie over MSN, firing neurons at such rapid speed and making music with Frooty Loops. i:m starting to think again about running away to live in a rainforest with Joel. we could do it man! leave all this behind! i would be so happy if i lived secluded from society, where there would be no such thing as laundry because i wouldn:t have to wear a ton of protective garments, there would be no such thing as cleaning cuz i would live in a tree, there would be no revolting shower drain to clean, and there would be no such thing as a constant reminder staring me in the face every day that i am different in a strange and curious way because lions and tigers can:t speak!
anyone who knows me knows that one of my favourite phrases is *painfully obvious.* i like the way it rolls off your tongue, and i like the image it conjures up. living in Japan is bringing it new meaning. it truly is painful within for people to stare at you and say rude things to you. you start to get really self conscious. you start to become paranoid. you start to think that maybe you have a sign on your head that says *i have syphilis, please stare at me like an outcast.*
but it:s lifting. i can only stay negative for a short period before i annoy myself and understand that life is too short ot spend it being a Grumpelstilskin. it:s just so much easier to be happy and smiling. wow, does this mean i:m happy because i:m too lazy to be bitter?? i:ve only been feeling like a pile of dung for a couple days. after therapuetically cleaning my appt-- Danielle Ruel actually scrubbed her bathroom, can you believe it??- and listening to System of a Down over and over and OVER again, i kicked myself out of the appartment. i took a nice bike ride around sleepy lil Iwaki, truly the Oakville of Japan. Along my travels i ran into Kim, a JET, who is experiencing the same madness i feel. *it:s like a bad star trek episode* she said, *you thing everything is normal when you look around but no... no it:s not!* Louise is feeling the same way as well and i think it:s just the reality of everything settling in. i:m SO far away from everything familar. There are no warmed toilet seats in Thunder Bay, there are no vending machines selling dirty women:s underwear in Toronto (which, from an economic standpoint, whoevver discovered the market niche for THAT piece of filth should write a book on suppy and demand). So i do find solace in the fact what i:m feeling right now is completely normal and i am not alone.
Yesterday I tried to find a Frodo action figure (how far can my obsession go with that pointed ear cutie?) at Toys R Us, but to no avail. I did however pick up some glow in the dark stars which now adorn my living room turned bedroom. i rearranged my appt to stimulate a more lively energy flow and also because let:s face it, without central heating my bed cannot be in another room other than the one with the heater. Today I wanted to escape to Setogaro Gorge and fill my soul with scenes of falling leaves, cascading waterfalls, and the sound of silence, but the gods have deemed that an inappropriate activity for today, evidenced by their heavy downpour outside. which, however, is a good thing, for i love the rain and i love getting soaked in the rain because it reminds me that i:m a human, not a witch that will melt. it:s funny how many people seem to think that because whenever it rains everyone is like ewww, i:m wet... eww.. the rain is everywhere! like it:s not going to dry. like you cant just throw your clothes in the dryer and put on a dry pair...
Last night I went for dinner with Ritsuko so celebrate her 36th birthday. it was really fun, and good to be around someone else. We went to a Chinese restaurant and then out for coffee and mroe dessert afterwards. she said it was her birthday so she was allowed to have two desserts... and being in the spirit of things i thought, well, i:ll celebrate your brithday and have two desserts too! i have a mango pudding and a fruit sundae... mmm! she is a crazy crazy girl... i:m sworn to secrecy on the secrets she told me of her life. but WOW! it:s like a movie drama!!
I:ve decided to start a new thing in my life, ya know, to keep things interesting. I like to call it Eradicating the Seven Deadly Sins. and it:s about exactly that. i:m going to give myself 6 months to decrease the frequency of my pride, greed, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, and sloth. this experiment should prove interesting!
maybe i:ll leave lust till last. WHY? Because i just found out my FH is a skater!!! *drools* he was out with his crew on saturday skating outside work. i was like YO!!! not only that, but his friends are all so cute! That:s my motivation for learning Japanese right there! .... must.... communicate.... with.... babe... we say hello to each other all the time, but c:mon, how much of a conversation is that? i feel like i:m 13 cuz i get so shy and can:t even look him in the eye for too long for fear that i will blush. blush. ha! i am 22 and i still blush!!
ok i:m going to catch up on email, a task which i have put off far too long. so, please write to me! but don:t get offended if i take like a week to reply. and please feel free to send me nachos! and CDS! ahem.. JOEL... i:m STILL waiting for your compilation and i:m startign to think i have a better chance of turning Japanese than i do of ever receiving it... maybe for my brithday??
i waited for it. i anticipated it. i tried to prepare for it before i left. i knew it was going to come sooner or later. a week ago i thought it would never happen. impossible! but it did.
WA BAM!
The Low Point.
i:m infected with rage. i:m brewing with frustration. suddenly Japan isn:t so fun and cute anymore. i:m sick of the stares, i:m sick of the talking about me in front of my face, i:m sick of not being able to tell people what i need. i:m frustrated that it takes me 20 minutes to sit there with my dictionary to figure out that i:m eating Fruit Granola. i:m frustrated that i have to individually unwrap every single cookie in my package before i eat it. how am i supposed to find comfort in food when it takes me five frigging minutes to open a cookie??? ahh, i have turned from food to reading the intriguing and stimulating works for Carl Sagan. my brain is so excited to read more of The Dragons of Eden tonite. i miss intellectual conversations. i miss all those late night chats i would have with my mouffie over MSN, firing neurons at such rapid speed and making music with Frooty Loops. i:m starting to think again about running away to live in a rainforest with Joel. we could do it man! leave all this behind! i would be so happy if i lived secluded from society, where there would be no such thing as laundry because i wouldn:t have to wear a ton of protective garments, there would be no such thing as cleaning cuz i would live in a tree, there would be no revolting shower drain to clean, and there would be no such thing as a constant reminder staring me in the face every day that i am different in a strange and curious way because lions and tigers can:t speak!
anyone who knows me knows that one of my favourite phrases is *painfully obvious.* i like the way it rolls off your tongue, and i like the image it conjures up. living in Japan is bringing it new meaning. it truly is painful within for people to stare at you and say rude things to you. you start to get really self conscious. you start to become paranoid. you start to think that maybe you have a sign on your head that says *i have syphilis, please stare at me like an outcast.*
but it:s lifting. i can only stay negative for a short period before i annoy myself and understand that life is too short ot spend it being a Grumpelstilskin. it:s just so much easier to be happy and smiling. wow, does this mean i:m happy because i:m too lazy to be bitter?? i:ve only been feeling like a pile of dung for a couple days. after therapuetically cleaning my appt-- Danielle Ruel actually scrubbed her bathroom, can you believe it??- and listening to System of a Down over and over and OVER again, i kicked myself out of the appartment. i took a nice bike ride around sleepy lil Iwaki, truly the Oakville of Japan. Along my travels i ran into Kim, a JET, who is experiencing the same madness i feel. *it:s like a bad star trek episode* she said, *you thing everything is normal when you look around but no... no it:s not!* Louise is feeling the same way as well and i think it:s just the reality of everything settling in. i:m SO far away from everything familar. There are no warmed toilet seats in Thunder Bay, there are no vending machines selling dirty women:s underwear in Toronto (which, from an economic standpoint, whoevver discovered the market niche for THAT piece of filth should write a book on suppy and demand). So i do find solace in the fact what i:m feeling right now is completely normal and i am not alone.
Yesterday I tried to find a Frodo action figure (how far can my obsession go with that pointed ear cutie?) at Toys R Us, but to no avail. I did however pick up some glow in the dark stars which now adorn my living room turned bedroom. i rearranged my appt to stimulate a more lively energy flow and also because let:s face it, without central heating my bed cannot be in another room other than the one with the heater. Today I wanted to escape to Setogaro Gorge and fill my soul with scenes of falling leaves, cascading waterfalls, and the sound of silence, but the gods have deemed that an inappropriate activity for today, evidenced by their heavy downpour outside. which, however, is a good thing, for i love the rain and i love getting soaked in the rain because it reminds me that i:m a human, not a witch that will melt. it:s funny how many people seem to think that because whenever it rains everyone is like ewww, i:m wet... eww.. the rain is everywhere! like it:s not going to dry. like you cant just throw your clothes in the dryer and put on a dry pair...
Last night I went for dinner with Ritsuko so celebrate her 36th birthday. it was really fun, and good to be around someone else. We went to a Chinese restaurant and then out for coffee and mroe dessert afterwards. she said it was her birthday so she was allowed to have two desserts... and being in the spirit of things i thought, well, i:ll celebrate your brithday and have two desserts too! i have a mango pudding and a fruit sundae... mmm! she is a crazy crazy girl... i:m sworn to secrecy on the secrets she told me of her life. but WOW! it:s like a movie drama!!
I:ve decided to start a new thing in my life, ya know, to keep things interesting. I like to call it Eradicating the Seven Deadly Sins. and it:s about exactly that. i:m going to give myself 6 months to decrease the frequency of my pride, greed, envy, wrath, lust, gluttony, and sloth. this experiment should prove interesting!
maybe i:ll leave lust till last. WHY? Because i just found out my FH is a skater!!! *drools* he was out with his crew on saturday skating outside work. i was like YO!!! not only that, but his friends are all so cute! That:s my motivation for learning Japanese right there! .... must.... communicate.... with.... babe... we say hello to each other all the time, but c:mon, how much of a conversation is that? i feel like i:m 13 cuz i get so shy and can:t even look him in the eye for too long for fear that i will blush. blush. ha! i am 22 and i still blush!!
ok i:m going to catch up on email, a task which i have put off far too long. so, please write to me! but don:t get offended if i take like a week to reply. and please feel free to send me nachos! and CDS! ahem.. JOEL... i:m STILL waiting for your compilation and i:m startign to think i have a better chance of turning Japanese than i do of ever receiving it... maybe for my brithday??
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