Don't Shit Where You Eat.
In what may be one of my last posts before I leave for Australia, I would just like to say for the record that April has been the shittiest, most stressful, emotionally draining, psychologically regressive, soul sucking month of my LIFE this year.
And four months into the year, i'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
Every good bit of loveliness I felt inside after my trip to Canada has slowly been sucked out of my by stupid decisions, complete lack of self-control, and general events that serve to fill the gaping hole of unfulfillment in my life. I am so looking forward to this vacation! it's been hard working 4 months without a break, and this month the hours were the longest and the challenges were the proudest to overcome. Every time I start to resent my work, a vacation pops up and saves me. and i return refreshed and full of life energy, ready to live each day to the fullest. but for right now, i'm burnt out. and need sleep. and to properly digest. gad I just feel numb with sadness, and a sneaking suspicion I might die soon on the plane. i mean, i hope i don't cuz really there's so much stuff i still want to do, and i just bought a new notebook to fill with thots. but in the event i do, I bequeath everything I own to my sister. i don't mean to be sombre, i just like to take precautions. maybe i'll just be in for some wild turbulence.
when we interview prospective Japanese teachers for work, we test their English in the interview by a Q&A session, and then a reading passage. we read it to them first, and then have them read it back to us. i've done so many interview since i moved to tokyo, i've already memorized the passage after reading it so many times. it's basically about two people that set out sailing, the weather turns crummy, and they almost capsize. but worded much more eloquently. it was running through my head last night when i got home from work. so of course when i passed out during the 10:00 news (like, the second time i've watched tv in my appt), I dreamt a horrible dream of being at the beach and trying to make it back to my beachouse before the distant brewing storm hit. it was raining a lil bit, and i was in summer gear so i was feeling quite cold and unprepared. i just remember looking at the awful storm, far away but approaching quickly, and feeling really really uneasy about it.
Maybe this means there's some kinda impending doom in my life, an event, an emotional outburst, something that'll go awry, that's destined to soon become part of my reality. or maybe i've just read that passage too many times? who knows. but if that's at all connected to my subconscious, the worst is yet to come.
According to dreamworks:
To see a storm in your dream, signifies overwhelming struggle, shock, devastating loss and catastrophe in your personal affairs. The storm also represents unexpressed fears or emotions, such as anger, rage, turmoil, etc. On a more positive note, the storm signifies the rising of spirit within.
To dream that you take cover in a storm, foretells that whatever disturbance or problems is occurring in your life will quickly blow over. Consider also the phrase "weather the storm", which suggests your ability and strength to withstand whatever comes your way.
I definitely did take cover, in my beautifull renovated new apartment with many rooms, each in a different theme. I remember this appt from dreams years ago, and was impressed to see what a transformation had occured. though it was still eerie in an unknown way, it felt good to be back.
I just hope this vacation saves my soul and soothes my ongoing psychological discomfort of living in Japan (though I completely love it here and wouldn't change that fact at all).
And four months into the year, i'm not sure if that's a good thing or not.
Every good bit of loveliness I felt inside after my trip to Canada has slowly been sucked out of my by stupid decisions, complete lack of self-control, and general events that serve to fill the gaping hole of unfulfillment in my life. I am so looking forward to this vacation! it's been hard working 4 months without a break, and this month the hours were the longest and the challenges were the proudest to overcome. Every time I start to resent my work, a vacation pops up and saves me. and i return refreshed and full of life energy, ready to live each day to the fullest. but for right now, i'm burnt out. and need sleep. and to properly digest. gad I just feel numb with sadness, and a sneaking suspicion I might die soon on the plane. i mean, i hope i don't cuz really there's so much stuff i still want to do, and i just bought a new notebook to fill with thots. but in the event i do, I bequeath everything I own to my sister. i don't mean to be sombre, i just like to take precautions. maybe i'll just be in for some wild turbulence.
when we interview prospective Japanese teachers for work, we test their English in the interview by a Q&A session, and then a reading passage. we read it to them first, and then have them read it back to us. i've done so many interview since i moved to tokyo, i've already memorized the passage after reading it so many times. it's basically about two people that set out sailing, the weather turns crummy, and they almost capsize. but worded much more eloquently. it was running through my head last night when i got home from work. so of course when i passed out during the 10:00 news (like, the second time i've watched tv in my appt), I dreamt a horrible dream of being at the beach and trying to make it back to my beachouse before the distant brewing storm hit. it was raining a lil bit, and i was in summer gear so i was feeling quite cold and unprepared. i just remember looking at the awful storm, far away but approaching quickly, and feeling really really uneasy about it.
Maybe this means there's some kinda impending doom in my life, an event, an emotional outburst, something that'll go awry, that's destined to soon become part of my reality. or maybe i've just read that passage too many times? who knows. but if that's at all connected to my subconscious, the worst is yet to come.
According to dreamworks:
To see a storm in your dream, signifies overwhelming struggle, shock, devastating loss and catastrophe in your personal affairs. The storm also represents unexpressed fears or emotions, such as anger, rage, turmoil, etc. On a more positive note, the storm signifies the rising of spirit within.
To dream that you take cover in a storm, foretells that whatever disturbance or problems is occurring in your life will quickly blow over. Consider also the phrase "weather the storm", which suggests your ability and strength to withstand whatever comes your way.
I definitely did take cover, in my beautifull renovated new apartment with many rooms, each in a different theme. I remember this appt from dreams years ago, and was impressed to see what a transformation had occured. though it was still eerie in an unknown way, it felt good to be back.
I just hope this vacation saves my soul and soothes my ongoing psychological discomfort of living in Japan (though I completely love it here and wouldn't change that fact at all).
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