A Big Whine About Homesickness

A Big Whine About Homesickness

I can't express my sadness, but I know it's nothing comparable to a refugee who must flee their country, fearing their own life, under the cover of darkness, and spent months at a refugee camp with inadequate supplies, feeling completed displaced, not belonging where they are, but unable to return.

But, I also can't let the lucky fact that I was born in a wealthy country somehow invalidate my feelings. I feel like that all the time. There are millions of people worse off than me, and I am lucky for everything I have, and I should just stop whining. But if I never vent or rant or just express how I feel everything will become so muddled up inside and I will probably turn into either a schizophrenic wanderer or an eccentric mute, if mutes can be eccentric in their silence.

Feeling homesick is not the part that worries me, for I have overcome many great sadnesses in my life (relatively speaking, of course. my life is pretty sheltered.). It's the fact that I feel this so early on from returning from vacation. It's the fact that I have until October in Japan. It's that feeling of er... feeling trapped, with which I don't know if I can cope. Of course I can cope! I mean, it isn't really an issue, is it? I must cope. What choice do I have? It's whether I have the reserve of mental energy within me that I am willing to devote to coping.

Let's Olympic!

I am in the throes of Olympic fever. McDonalds' (Makudonarudo hambaaga in J/nese) latest campaign is, "Let's Olympic!" Erm, let's not. Let's not buy your little red-white-green meat nuggets because, although they are cute resembling the Italian flag, and cuteness is the quintessential ingredient of Japanese culture, green meat is just wrong no matter how much spirit you have.

Last night I watched curling until I realized I strongly dislike the sound of "hurryhurryhurry!" "hurryhurryhurry!" in English, and this dislike extends, but is not limited to, the Japanese and Russian languages. Tonight, I've been flipping between speed skating, moguls, and slalom. The announcers are so funny. I totally miss the Canadian and American goofs that commentate in N/America. Here, every jump is met with "Kirei, desu ne!" which is basically, "Pretty, isn't it!" I have seen many a beautiful jumps tonight during the moguls. *sigh* I miss adjectives.

I went to yoga tonight, which is stress-relieving as always. Except for the fact my foreign wingspan is a bit of a problem when the mats are so close together. I think yoga is making me feel taller and longer. I will just feel so tall at random intervals throughout the day. My posture must be getting better.

Cooking. Tonight I grilled the best, saltiest, butteryest fish in the sea. Too bad I have no idea what it was, but it was white and naturally salty and buttery. I loved it so much! It was such a treat to my tastebuds to taste a buttery flavor, as I can't eat butter.

My only gripe about cooking is that you have to do it over and over and over again. It's such a cycle! I mean, I clean my dishes, just to dirty them again. I could solve this problem entirely if I just made edible plates and bowls for every meal. I must look into this possibility. I just ate and already I'm like, "Crikey! Now what delicious food will I make for tomorrow's lunch??" I am feeling out of options. ie. I am lazy because I could just look up recipes. I can see how being a housewive is a full time job. But I can also understand, by virtue of the monotonous and repetitive work, how housewives will sleep with the pool boy and carry on affairs with the pizza delivery guy.

Wow, this post is a little boring. What can I spice it up with?

I saw a new creature a couple weeks ago. I really do think that I discovered this new addition to the animal kingdom, just squarking about on the grounds of the mental hospital. I am trying to remember what it looked like... It was like a swan-duck-crane-turkey. Quite unusual, and probably an experimental animal hybrid with some yet-to-be discovered medicinal purpose.

How Did I Forget THIS???

Oh! Oooooooooooh, I can't believe I haven't written about this earlier. I am moving!!!

I'm moving back to Okayama after Golden Week for the remainder of my contract. I could focus on the fact that this is now the third time I have to lug my possessions across this island and the stress will probably cause me to like my job less and increase my feelings of what I am doing is BS and not important to the grand scheme of things that are important to my life (although this job has taught me some mad skills) but I have chosen to remain positive about this whole thing. I get to get out of the vortex of Tokyo and regain my health, I can join an actual gym, I will get to work with more than 2 people, I will have an actual kitchen instead of my current 1m hallway "kitchen," I'll have a DVD player and a kitchen table on which I can do my homework, I will be closer to Shikoku and Kyushu, and I will be able to save money and sanity living in a small city. Sure, things won't be exciting like they are here but to be totally honest, I haven't gone out at night this year. I'm just trying to keep it real and get into my studies. And, moving holds another bonus of paring down my possessions and really push me to let go of some of the things I grasp to, for most likely silly or unknown reasons. So, it's pretty cool I get to move, and be in a different role at work. Ok, enough work talk.

I promised myself I would finish another chapter of my current poorly-written text. Adieu, mes amis, adieu.